Submitted by Penny Kjellberg, Parent and Writer

I read "Discover Your Child’s Learning Style" as part of the Laurel Springs homeschool curriculum. One year later, it remains the single most important part of my parenting approach and my daughter’s education. Let’s just say it was an epiphany for me, that validated years of parental instincts I ignored because I allowed the public school system to define my child.

At the age of nine my daughter had spent six years in school. Two years of pre-school and four years of public school K-3. During every one of those six years my daughter was labeled disruptive, undisciplined, unwilling and unable to work in groups. While at home, in summer camp and at friends houses she was cooperative and pleasant, we were called into school within the first few weeks of school every year for emergency meetings in how to handle this "problem child". While all her teachers acknowledged her as an academic star and often the smartest in the class, her inability to quietly follow the classroom routine was too disruptive and more than the school was willing to tolerate.

The school wanted us to have her tested for emotional disturbance so she could be put in a special school. Knowing she was not emotionally disturbed and didn’t belong there, we refused. We continually battled the school year after year to keep her in the regular classroom. Some years we had more understanding teachers than others, but always it was a problem that involved the teacher, the guidance counselor and the principal. Hardly a day went by in all those six long years when I wasn’t called by the school, or told of a problem at the end of the day.

At the end of kindergarten, we agreed to have her start therapy, in exchange for the school dropping their efforts to remove her from the classroom. In first grade the problems continued, and we agreed to give her anti-anxiety medication to help control her behavior. There was constant communication between the school and the therapist, all of which we paid for.

The classroom set up was that six children sat at a crowded table made for four and studied every subject as a group. Even writing your own creative writing story was supposed to be done with the participation of five other children in your group. There was absolutely no quite time scheduled into the day. The children were supposed to talk to each other as they worked together.

The lack of even one minute of independent work or quite time was too stressful for my daughter. She would sometimes rip up her work in frustration because other children would write on her papers and constantly interrupt her to ask for her help or to offer their suggestions for how she should work differently. Once she threw the markers down on the floor in frustration. Every now and then she would push another child away who was drawing on her paper. All of this earned her the label of a violent child (even though she never hurt anyone) and the school’s reactions became ever more extreme.

I asked the principal if there could be a quiet table for kids who wanted to work undisturbed, and I was clearly told that learning to work in groups was important and they would never consider anything else. But rather than see the obvious reasons why my daughter had trouble functioning in that environment, I continued to assume that if the other kids could handle it, then my kid should learn to handle it, too. How wrong I was!

After three years of therapy and two years of medication, the problems remained unchanged. Worst of all, we had allowed the school to define our daughter. While we knew a smart, sweet, kind, cooperative girl at home, we accepted the school’s definition of her when she was away from us. Disruptive, uncooperative, likely to explode at any moment.

Every year I researched homeschooling, and every year I rejected it. I rejected it partly because of practical reasons (my need to spend too many hours at work each week and lack of funds for tutors and babysitters), partly because I wasn’t ready for such a big step outside the mainstream, and partly (and worst of all) because I viewed homeschooling as giving up on a situation my daughter should be able to handle the way millions of other children handle it. With 20/20 hindsight, it is perfectly clear to me that there is no reason in the world why she should have to handle that situation.

In reading Discover Your Child’s Learning Style, I immediately recognized our situation. The book confirmed all the instincts and feelings I had about our daughter but suppressed in deference to the school system. What was most shocking to me was the simplicity of the answers to our complex problems.

Our daughter is an Inventing style, with Thinking/Creating as the secondary disposition. I could have cried when I read that her amazing powers of concentration on a problem were an asset. The school called it "unable to make transitions." Her preference to work independently and follow her own speeding train of thought leads to discovery and satisfaction. The school viewed this gift as "unable to work in groups." In short, her learning style explained everything.

Having said all of this, there are times where she will need to work in a group, and as parents it is our responsibility to help her deal with that difficult situation. Thanks to the learning styles profile we all understand the problem, we can take steps to help her to develop the coping strategies she will need. For instance, she is interested in drama. This is clearly a group dynamic. So before she joins a drama group and is unable to handle it, and maybe turned off to drama as a result, we can talk about how she can try to relax and enjoy a group drama project. We can hold off putting her in that situation until she is ready to handle it. Knowing what the problem is, is half the battle.

And more than any specific understanding about how my daughter is as a learner, our choice to homeschool has been validated. We repressed our belief that it would be best for her, and instead accepted society-at-large’s definition of it as an admission of failure in public school. A running away from real life into a greenhouse where our hothouse flower could survive. When in reality it has thrust all of us head first into the wonderful, very real world. An individual’s learning style IS the real world. The real world of our daughter’s gifts. The real world of her vibrant and healthy social life. The real world of science, history, math and literature. Public school ain’t it!

Knowledge of my daughter’s learning style continues to help her learn and to help us be better parents. When she seems bored or resistant to a subject, I know the adjustments to make and they’re so simple. Since I am a producing disposition, my natural ideas and preferences are the exact opposite of what she needs. So when she glazes over when I ask her to make a list of the steps in the circulatory system, I immediately recognize my mistake and I ask her to draw a picture of it instead. When she returns to me with a detailed drawing of the inside of the body with a map of where the blood travels and what it does, I thank Victoria and Mariaemma one more time.

The immediate changes in our daughter after completing the learning styles profile were a joy to behold. The simple act of being asked about her preferences was so validating to her, before we even scored the profile. The discovery that the problems were not due to her failure as a human being but rather to the school’s failure to provide an appropriate learning environment was one of the most powerful experiences of her young life. As a parent, seeing the light in her face when she read those words was one of the most joyful moments I’ve known.

Whether at home or in a traditional school, it is information everyone should have. It is the kind of self-knowledge for which there is no substitute. As parents the best thing we can teach our children is "To thine own self be true." As my daughter approaches adolescence, this will become increasingly important. Having the kind of self-knowledge the learning styles profile offers at such a young age, and seeing the power of that knowledge to vastly improve her life is a priceless gift. Beyond academics, the learning styles profile teaches the importance of self-knowledge and the happiness it brings to every aspect of life at every age. There is no more important lesson any parent or teacher can impart.